I'm a "hate reader"....or am I?

Like far too many other people, I read the whole Twilight series. I hated it – the writing is lame, Bella has no spine, and I certainly didn’t learn anything from it – and yet, I couldn’t put it down. Who knew that a vampire who drives a silver Volvo could be so addictive? Halfway through the first book, I wanted nothing more than to throw the book on the floor and scream “I quit!” At yet, each possible hour found me continuing to read. And read. Dishes were neglected, exercise wasn't even considered, and bedtimes were ignored. I read not just the first book, but the entire series. I spent most of the fourth book begging Bella to get the abortion (but suspecting that the author's Mormon background would always preclude the character from such a thing), and then just wishing she's have the #$%^ thing so I could be put out of my misery. What was wrong with me? Why did I bother to finish the first book? Worse, why did I continue to suffer through three more books after that? Worst of all, why were the books so hard to put down? These questions have haunted me for the past three years, casting doubt on my taste in books, my intelligent, and my sense of self. I have suffered, until today. The answer to these questions lies in this article in The Atlantic. Turns out, I’m a “hate reader.”

By this definition, a hate reader "will finish each hate read down to its very last word, and you may well close the covers and toss the volume across the room, but you will do it with a great, secret frisson of satisfaction because it feels so good." While I could only metaphorically throw the Twilight books across the room (my only saving grace in this whole debacle was that I borrowed the books from the library), it did feel good. However, no sooner was I relieved to have an explanation for my Twilight obsession than another, more disturbing question arose - am I really a hate reader? I've loved reading since I was little. How could I be a hate reader?

Rather than mull over the implications of being a hate reader, I decided to read further. And thank goodness I did, for I discovered that I'm only a hate reader with Twilight books (I'll bet many people are - I refuse to believe that the success of this series is because people actually thought it was well-written). For all other books, I'm a "chronological reader." It's as if the author of the article was describing how I read. Who is the chronological reader?

1. You buy (or borrow) a book.

2. You read it.

3. You repeat Steps 1 and 2 in an endless cycle whose beginning is murky and whose end will come only when you take your last breath

4. You always finish the book. For the rare book you didn't finish, you remember the title and the reason why you didn't finish. Even decades later, just thinking about the book will leave a sour taste in your mouth.

5. You're a puzzle wizard and highly reliable.

Check, check, check, sort-of-check (I don't remember the title, but it was about a Lebanese family who tried to eat only things grown in a 100 mile radius), and check. The checkmarks bring a sigh of relief. I'm not really a hate reader. I still love books. With these happy thoughts, I don't even bother to read the rest of the article?*

Does it really matter what type of reader you are? Of course not, although the article does offer book suggestions for each type of reader. I'm just thrilled to know that my obsession with Twilight doesn't mean I'm crazy.

*For completion's sake, you might also be a: book-buster, delayed onset reader (either Type 1 or Type 2), bookophile, anti-reader (this is my DH), cross-under, multi-tasker, or sleepy bedtime reader.